Early intervention remains a key process, as a new study found that one in three men report using intimate partner violence in their lifetime.
A media release by the Australian Institute of Family Studies (AIFS) pulled from a project called Ten to Men, where it was found that 35 per cent of Australian men aged 18 to 65 years have used intimate partner violence in their lifetime.
It also estimated that 120,000 men nationally, each year, are starting to use it for the first time.
The project, an AIFS longitudinal study of boys and men, is the first national estimate of male intimate partner violence perpetration in Australia.
David Nugent, founder of Heavy M.E.T.A.L, said that as the numbers grow, so does awareness, but “one of the things that a lot of programs and services are not doing is that they are not empowering men to be better men”.
”They’re taking a position of judgement, and trying to push the point for the man to acknowledge that he’s a perpetrator of family violence – that does not empower men to want to change,” he said.
Heavy M.E.T.A.L, which stands for Heavy Men’s Education Towards Anger and Life, has its core values rooted in early intervention, and addressing behaviours, habits and emotions that have the potential to lead men towards that pipeline, and becoming part of the statistics.
For Nugent, there is no dismissing the facts and numbers; they are certain, but he is adamant that while these may be factual, there are few to no support services that can properly address the root cause.
The AIFS report detailed that when it was first surveyed in 2013-2014, around one in four men reported ever having used intimate partner violence.
This has since increased to one in three men, with the same cohort as of 2022.
The director of AIFS, Liz Neville, said that the data set, which follows men over a ten-year period, “confirms the extent of the problem”.
“With an estimated 120,000 men starting to use intimate partner violence each year across Australia, we can see more clearly how delays in effective intervention can have devastating consequences.
“Each act of violence harms individuals, families and communities.
“We hope these disturbing numbers provide impetus for further action by governments at all levels, underpinned by evidence,” she said.
Emotional-type abuse was the most common form of intimate partner violence, with 32 per cent of men in 2022 reporting they ever made an intimate partner feel “frightened or anxious”.
Nine per cent admitted ever “hitting, slapping, kicking, or otherwise physically hurting” an intimate partner when they were angry.
However, the study also found that high levels of social support and high levels of paternal affection both reduced the likelihood of men using intimate partner violence.
According to Nugent, his goal, from the very beginning, since the 20-plus years he began with the group, was to “answer why (statistics) doesn’t bring change”.
“It’s a good thing that they have these statistics, saying that they can own their behaviour, and empowering these guys to acknowledge that they need to change, but what are we going to do about it?
“We want men to reach out for help before police get involved, before courts get involved, before child protection gets involved, before she says, I need to take an intervention order, before she feels scared.
“Women give men a lot of free warnings, but we don’t listen to them, men say that to me.
”Men say that ‘she told me this years ago, and I just kept sweeping it under the rug’, or that ‘I wish I had met you years ago’,” he said.
Nugent said that the success he and Heavy M.E.T.A.L. see is from the duration of the courses, where he is “holding on to men”, and allowing them that space to be open, to express themselves, their frustrations, worries, wrongs and everything in between, in a judgement-free place.
”I’ve built a relationship where I can coach and show men a role modelling of healthy male behaviour,” Nugent said.
“Then they can become role models too, and that passes down to their children, and to their mates, to the point where I’ve got mates referring other guys to us – and that is the ideal solution.”
Vulnerability is a big factor, where men, constricted by their own rules set in bygone years by a patriarchal society, are seeing themselves chained to dated characteristics of what a ‘true man’ is.
Nugent reflected that these notions and teachings were given to men since they were young, and that from time to time, he still comes across the same messages.
“I hear those messages from older people, where those ideas about not crying, telling men not to cry, to not be a sook, to grow some balls, to be real men,” he said.
“What happens in those messages while men are growing up is that it layers shame, and that shame is what we don’t know how to deal with.
”That shame triggers really uncomfortable feelings when we’re being challenged, and then we react to it.
“Research has shown that men deal with shame by getting angry and aggressive, whereas women deal with shame by internalising it and keeping it within.”
On the same note of internalising one’s feelings and emotions, the study found that men who reported high levels of social support “all of the time” were 26 per cent less likely to report using intimate partner violence.
By the same token, men who felt strongly that they had a quality relationship with a father or a father figure during childhood, marked with affection, were 48 per cent less likely to report ever having used intimate partner violence.
The opposite is severe, however, where men with moderate or severe depressive symptoms were 62 per cent more likely to use intimate partner violence by 2022, compared to men without these symptoms.
The AIFS program lead for Ten to Men, Dr Sean Martin, said that the data provides “a set of risk factors to help support the development of effective policies and programs for young men”.
“Because intimate partner violence is such a significant and widespread issue – used by people of all ages and backgrounds – understanding the risk factors for these behaviours is critical.
“Depressive symptoms and a lack of social connection aren’t an excuse by any means, as violence is always a choice.
“They do signal where we could be building more supports around men early on, for the sake of their future partners, children, and communities,” he said.
A present and very common issue Nugent has found in men is that men tend not to speak of their feelings, or share their emotional experiences, since there is a chance peers, and including themselves, will find it awkward.
“We find those conversations hard to engage with; say someone lost a loved one, those conversations are really difficult when it comes to, ‘how do I talk to that person’, or ‘how do I show them that I’m here to support them’ – we’ve never really been taught that,” he said.
Communication responding styles are a key strategic implementation at Heavy M.E.T.A.L., where Nugent said it is essential when it comes to delivering understanding from all parties involved.
Spearheading the work he has been doing for over two decades, Nugent remains steadfast that those uncomfortable situations amongst men need to be addressed at earlier stages.
“There are many signs that men want to do this, there are men out there that are hurting, and they don’t want to be in that position,” he said.
“They want to be good husbands, good partners, friends, fathers, they want to be good role models.”
